either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
