please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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