Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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