Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
