I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
this boner is exhausting
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize