i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
