So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
