She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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