I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
