chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
