you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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