Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
