so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
