PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize