You work out of a Hotel?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
