Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
