I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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