and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
