If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
