So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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