he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
