Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
