you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
