I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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