Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
