Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I feel like abortions should bother me more
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
