first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
