I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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