once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
