Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
