Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
