Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
