If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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