Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
