There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
