Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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