There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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