How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
