i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
