Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
