Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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