she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
