I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
