I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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