If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
