the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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