there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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