Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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