There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
