His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
