You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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