bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
