We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
