i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
