By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
