Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
