My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
