I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
