Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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