My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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