hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
