dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
