Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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