apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
