I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
