She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
