im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize