It was confusing and full of hummus
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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