Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
