Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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