Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
