What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
