I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
