You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
