dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
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