in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
