at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
