Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
home. puking in laundry basket.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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