Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
