Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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