Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
