Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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