doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
