is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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