I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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