we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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