Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
