well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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