she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
