she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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