So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
