He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
