he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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