I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
