Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Semen is not good for contacts.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
