He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
