Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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