Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
