So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
