I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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