but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize