thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
