my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
