uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
