one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
