who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
