I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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