shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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