she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
