He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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