I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
